College Life
by Miyakai Valentine
Summary: AU!Crackfic. Demyx and Axel are attending college. Lame Summary. Just read it.
1. Chapter 1

I blame Takara Sasaki for my sudden urge to write a crackfic. I'm not sure it's as funny as I want it to be, but, I hope you guys like it. xD

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the song The Bad Touch, by the Bloodhound Gang. I don't own Axel or Demyx, either. And I don't own Axel's car, but I sure as hell want it. Anything else mentioned isn't mine, either. Mmkay? Mmkay. Enjoy!

* * *

Demyx sighed, rolling his head back to stare at the ceiling. How much more of this did he have to endure? He looked at the clock; Three-thirty. His last lecture of the day was almost over, and after that, he had to go to work. 

Paying the professor no mind – not that he had been paying attention the rest of the time, anyway – he pulled his backpack into his lap and began to dig through it, hoping to find something he could give to Axel to make a bomb with. Then again, making a bomb to distract the professor so they could get out of class fifteen minutes early seemed a bit pointless.

Sharpies, Post-It notes, a deck of cards, a lighter, an empty water bottle, a golf ball, a ball point pen, and a note book. The notebook that he was _supposed_ to be taking notes in.

'Can you make a bomb out of a golf ball?' Demyx pondered, looking at the small ball he held in his hand. Of course, Axel could make a bomb out of anything, so it wouldn't surprise him if he could find a way to make the golf ball explode. Why did he even have a golf ball in his backpack? It was beyond him, really.

Glancing across the lecture hall, Demyx found Axel was asleep in his seat, drooling all over his notebook. Snickering quietly, Demyx pulled a Post-It note off of the stack in his backpack, scrunched it up, and threw it at the redhead. The Post-It ball bounced off of the top of Axel's head, then proceeded to get stuck in his hair. Demyx covered his mouth to keep from laughing. Pulling another yellow sticky-note from his backpack, he repeated his previous action, watching the ball bounce off of Axel's forehead this time, and get stuck in his hair above the other paper ball. Axel made a small snort, lifting his head long enough to look around dazedly, before he fell back asleep, unaware of the yellow paper stuck in his bright red locks.

Demyx jumped as the bell rang. He immediately stood up and made his way over to Axel, ignoring the professor whom continued to talk even as the students left the room.

Not wanting to touch Axel – now dubbed, "Drool-Machine" – Demyx lifted his foot and nudged Axel in the side. Axel bolted upright, looking around until his eyes landed on Demyx. He let out a sheepish laugh, rubbing the back of his neck, and making a strange face as he pulled the Post-It balls out of his hair. Demyx covered his mouth, laughing.

"Sorry about that. Wanna grab something to eat before I gotta go to work?" Demyx grinned down at Axel, whom was examining the Post-It balls with a contemplative look on his face.

"Sure," he replied, standing up and stretching. On a moment of impulse, he dropped the paper balls onto the top of Demyx's mohawk, laughing as they got stuck. Demyx made a face and picked them out, tossing them over his shoulder, hitting the professor in the head. The old man stopped lecturing his invisible class for a moment, then continued, mumbling about, "damned pidgeons." Axel and Demyx stared at him for a moment, then Axel shook his head, turning back to Demyx.

"Yeah, just let me get my stuff," He turned and picked up his notebook by the corner, watching as his saliva dripped off of it. Demyx made a face.

"That's nasty," Demyx muttered, staring at the soggy five-subject in Axel's hand.

"No shit," Axel said, raising an eyebrow at it, "Oh well. I didn't need this thing anyway." He said, tossing it across the room and cringing as it made a loud, wet SMACK when it hit one of the tables.

"Then again…maybe I'm not so hungry," Demyx raised an eyebrow as the notebook slid off of the table, hitting the floor with a slopping noise. Axel shook his head, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

"Whatever. Let's just go," He mumbled, casting a wary glance at the professor, whom had somehow gotten on top of his desk and was now spinning around in a circle with his arms raised towards the ceiling.

After they were out of the building, Demyx and Axel headed over to Axel's car – a red T-top Camero with orange and yellow flames on the hood that he got from his uncle – and got in. Axel started the engine, turning on the radio and turning it up. Demyx stared at the radio for a moment, before looking at Axel.

"You're on crack," He stated blankly, staring at his friend. Axel laughed, putting the car into reverse and backing out of his parking space.

"Am not," he retorted, shifting the car into drive and speeding out of the community college parking lot. "Turn it up."

Demyx sighed and did as he was told, turning the radio up as Axel began to sing along with the song.

"Sweat baby, sweat baby, sex is a Texas drought. Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about. So put your hands down my pants, and I'll bet you'll feel nuts; Yes I'm Siskle, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up," Axel chanted along with the song as Demyx laughed, shaking his head.

"You're pathetic, you know that?" Demyx shouted over the song. "It's no wonder you don't have a girlfriend!" Axel simply grinned in response and turned the music up louder as Demyx joined in singing.

"You've had enough of two-hand touch, you want it rough, you're out of bounds. I want you smothered, want you covered, like my Waffle House hashbrowns. Comin' quicker than FedEx, never reach an apex. Like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined to make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Saving's Time," the pair sang along as the car came to a stop at a red light. Axel gave Demyx a look that was quickly returned as both rolled down their windows and turned the music up the rest of the way.

"Do it now! You an' me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Do it again now! You an' me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel! Getting' horny now!" The pair chanted, grinning widely as a car full of girls next to them began giggling and laughing.

"You know," Axel shouted to Demyx, hitting the gas as the light turned green, "I think this is going to be a good weekend."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters, or...really anything mentioned in this chapter.

So without further distractions Chapter two.

**(/linebreak/) **

The tires of Axel's Camero screeched to a halt as they pulled up to his apartment complex. Demyx shot him a questioning look as Axel pulled the key out of the ignition. 

"I just have to run in and grab some cash," the redhead explained, getting out of the car and shutting the door behind himself. He leaned down and peeked back through his still-open window. "You can stay here if you want. It won't take very long."

"It will if Larxene's home," Demyx retorted, making a face. Axel's face contorted to match Demyx's.

"Yeah, well," he grumbled, leaning against the open window of the car.

"Just hurry up, okay?" Demyx said, frowning at his friend, "I only have-" He stopped, looking at the clock in Axel's car. "Is that clock right?"

Axel hesitated, also looking at the LCD display. "Uh, yeah."

"Oh," stated Demyx dumbly, bewildered, "Take your time then." Was it still only four o'clock? He didn't have to be to work until six-thirty.

"Well," Axel started, both boys still half-spacing out whilst staring at the clock, "You wanna come in for a while?"

"Sure," Demyx mumbled, unbuckling his seat belt and sliding out of the car.

"And I told him- Oh, I'm going to have to call you back, Marly. _Axel _just got home. Yeah, okay. Bye," Larxene pulled the phone away from her ear and set it on the table, glaring daggers at her boyfriend.

"Hey Lar," Axel greeted shortly, attempting – and failing – a mad dash towards his room.

"Axel," the girl ground out lowly, her voice taking a dangerous tone; 'The calm before the storm,' Axel mentally remarked, desperate for escape.

"H-hey, Lar, I'm kinda in a rush here. Gotta get Dem to work an' all, you know, so we'll talk later, okay?" Leaning forward, he gave the fuming a girl a light peck on the cheek, then turned and scrambled for his room, slamming and locking the door behind himself.

'He ran away,' Demyx lamented, now helpless and finding himself the new target of Larxene's inexplicable rage.

"So," the girl began, taking a meaningful step towards a now-cowering Demyx.

"S-so," he repeated shakily, wincing as Larxene's eyes narrowed. Suddenly, said girl turned and began pacing back and forth in front of Demyx, waving her arms around in exaggeration as she spoke.

"So I took that TV to the pawn shop like Axel told me to," She began, making strange gestures with her hands. Demyx only spoke when he realized she had stopped pacing, awaiting his response.

"R-really," he stammered, watching the girl's flailing hands as if they would smack him.

"Yeah. And the guy started asking me all of these questions," she continued, once again pacing. Demyx had the fleeting thought that she might wear a trench into the floor if she continued for much longer. The thought quickly passes as he realized the girl was again waiting for him to answer her.

"D-did he, now?" Demyx questioned with vague interest.

"_Yes_. He was asking me questions like, 'How many channels does it get,' 'What size is it,' and 'Does it have a remote?'"

"Is that right?" Demyx suddenly felt like one of those people who talked to their growling dog as if it were really speaking. He had to hold in a fit of giggles at his own comparison of Larxene to a growling dog.

"Yeah!" She exclaimed, coming to a stop in front of him. Demyx glanced down at her feet, disappointed at the lack of trench in the floor. "I mean, really. Do I look like I know these things?"

"Um…yes?" Demyx replied, hoping that was the answer she was looking for. Larxene, however, seemed taken-aback by his response.

"Really?" She questioned, looking at him curiously.

"Uh, yeah! Totally!" He gave her a half-smile and a reassuring nod.

Larxene hesitated slightly, then gave him a satisfied smile and pranced off, grabbing the phone on the way into the kitchen.

Demyx let out a relieved sigh and leaned back against the front door, content with waiting for Axel. Said boy emerged a moment later, looking around the apartment warily for any sign of the PMS Queen.

"She's gone," Demyx offered lazily, then fixed his friend with a steely look, "I can't believe you _ran_, dude."

"Yeah, well, sorry if I'm rather fond of _living_," Axel spat back defensively, "She's chased me around with a butcher knife before, you know. I was just trying to avoid a repeat of that." Axel paused as they stepped out of the apartment, turning to make sure the door was locked as something hit the other side of the door, hard. Both boys stared for a moment, then Axel locked the door and they started off down the stairs.

"I don't see why you even bother with her, Axel," Demyx announced as they arrived in the parking lot. He waited as Axel unlocked the car, then slid into the passenger seat and buckled up.

"Actually," Axel began, starting the car and backing out of the parking space, "I'm going to dump her." He finished, shifting the car into drive and speeding off down the street.

"Seriously? Where are you going to go?" Demyx turned in his seat to face the maniac currently driving.

"Well, I was thinking I could maybe…stay with Roxas," He offered, keeping his eyes on the road.

"_Roxas_?" Demyx questioned, "Roxas, the cool, new, anti-social, friend-of-Sora, Roxas?"

"Well…yeah," Axel nodded, seeming to think that was the end of the conversation.

"Dude, did he offer to house you, or is this one of half-baked schemes?" Demyx arched a dirty-blonde eyebrow at his friend.

"_Dude_, you've been hanging around Xigbar too much," Axel mocked, his trademark smirk falling into place on his lips, "And it's not half-baked it's…three-quarters of the way done." He said off-handedly, then frowned slightly in thought. "I'll figure something out."

"Yeah, how to make Roxas call you a raving, stalking lunatic," Demyx snorted and rolled his eyes, sitting back against his seat again.

"Hey," Axel held up a hand, waving it at Demyx, "Being a raving, stalking lunatic is what I'm good at." He concluded with a sense of finality, offering Demyx a charming grin.

"Whatever, psycho," Demyx mumbled with a half-smiling, turning to look out his window. Boy, did he have strange friends.


End file.
